My Wife is A Big Loser

Two months ago I wrote about my wife joining the Biggest Loser competition at the local gym we attend. I wrote about how she goes to these torture sessions that the evil trainer calls "workouts" three days a week and I wrote about the dedication and determination she has shown throughout this ordeal. I won't rehash the entire post - you can reread it here if you like.

Twelve weeks - TWELVE FREAKING WEEKS of twisting her body into unimaginable stretches, doing ridiculously complicated exercises that should only be reserved for military operations and using weights in ways that my muscles ache just from hearing her describe it. Yet she was there - week in and week out busting her butt.

This past Sunday, I went with her to her final weigh-in. Her nerves were on edge as she had committed herself to not only being successful but to winning the competition. That is just how she is - the most competitive person I have ever met. If by some fluke of nature I ever win at something - board games, cards, name that tune, whatever - you can be assured that Grimm will be sleeping on the couch that night.

So you can possibly understand my concern over the results of this event. Even though I was not in competition with her, you can imagine the consequences that I would be facing if indeed she loses.

I need not have worried.

Leslie has lost 38 pounds over the 12 weeks for a 14.6% total loss of her body weight, beating her closest competitor by almost 3%. Since November, when we both decided to work out more and eat healthy, she has lost a total of 53 pounds and vows that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Words cannot describe how proud I am of this woman. Her performance has been an inspiration not only to myself, but as I have found out over the last few days, she has quite a fan club at the gym itself as she has received kudos from the employees to the retired regulars that frequent the gym during its walking program during the week.

Of course it helps to have Lucy around in all of her cuteness.

As for me, I am down to 257 pounds from the 302 that I weighed in November - a nice little total of 45 pounds. I get every single bit of the credit to my wife because without her, I would not have even thought about losing weight or at the very least, known how to go about it. She is my anchor, my support, my best friend and I love her more than ever for making us a healthier family.

Even if she is a big loser.

The Unsung Muppet

Last Sunday, we made the 30 minute trek to the "local" Civic Center to see the latest incarnation of Sesame Street Live in all its splendor. It was baby Lucy's first trip and my second - while Leslie, Grandma and Julia are the veterans of the circuit with this being their third trip to see these life-sized versions of the muppets we grew up with on television.

It was then that I remembered what annoyed me so much about our last trip to see them.

Think back to your childhood. Odds are you saw Sesame Street in some capacity while growing up - Oscar the Grouch, Big Bird, Bert & Ernie were giving you life lessons and the letter of the day. Sure, all of those were great, but they weren't my favorite. Nope, the Muppet I craved for each episode was everything I wanted in a monster.

He was sweet. He was furry. He was lovable.

He was super.


And it was for this reason that our last visit to the live version of Sesame Street left a very sour taste in my mouth. Sure you had all of your old-time cast of characters - Cookie Monster, Big Bird and Oscar - as well as some of the newer Muppets like Rosita, Zoe and of course that little red copycat Elmo, but no Grover. He is the godfather of the modern-day monsters and he's not even on their live show?!? Talk about you blatant atrocities!

So you can understand my apprehension going into this latest version. If I had to suffer through another 90 minutes of those silly psuedo-Grovers without getting the original and the best, I was going to me more than a little miffed. Call me sentimental if you want, but Grover was THE monster when I was a child and I hate to see him relegated to the storage trunk to this new generation.

We arrived early and I purchased a program as a keepsake for the little one and to my pleasant surprise - my blue, furry friend was on the cover. That growing knot in my stomach started to loosen. This was going to be a good show after all.

The first half of the show was great, as we had decent seats and the storyline wasn't all that bad. Sesame Street has a new music teacher in town, but unfortunately the truck with her equipment has not arrived yet. Never fear, let the Muppet crew come up with solution by creating their own ways to make music. Grover even had a duet with Rosita.


It was during this number that the two declared they needed to find a way to make music or they would not be able to perform in the surprise everyone had planned for their new teacher. They would soon discover making music with their feet and at this very moment, all was right with the world.

That would be until AFTER intermission when much to my dismay, Grover went AWOL - to be replaced by Baby Bear who finished out the show. Yes, you read that right, after stressing about what to do for his final performance - Grover STILL did not get to perform it for his new teacher.

Good grief. Cookie Monster was there the entire show. The Count was there the entire show. Freaking Prairie Dawn was there the entire show.

But Grover? No way. Because when a Muppet needs to be sacrificed - you know who the first to get the axe is - our blue, lovable buddy Grover. Total lack of disrespect I tell ya.

For someone who has been on Sesame Street since 1970 he is still as funny as ever. And while today's generation might think that Elmo is the greatest thing since chocolate ice cream, for my money nothing will ever top Grover on Sesame Street. So to all of the parents out there who have children who are Elmo-worshippers and have every kind of Elmo gizmo known to mankind do me this one favor. Tell your child the story of Grover and how that without Grover, there would be no Elmo.

And besides, how many monsters that you know have been on Jimmy Kimmel?

Not to mention him hating on Tim Daly who is one of the worst actors on television. Win/Win!

Idol Forgiveness

Boy I picked one hell of a season not to do my weekly American Idol rants. Not only would it have updated this blog more than once every other week, but also give me a written forum to express my complete disdain for some of the performers on the show. This season has left me continuously irritated and perplexed to the point that I want to scream whenever my wife goes ga-ga when uber-screamer Adam Lambert lets loose with one of his high pitched wails.

Of course for those of you who do not watch American Idol, you probably continuously irritated and perplexed that the show even exists.

My first issue was Megan Joy, who obviously had some incriminating photos of the judges in extremely compromising positions to have made as far as she did. Her monotone voice and her ridiculous shoulder-shimmy dance earned her a one-way ticket off the show in week one. Now everyone who attends the American Idol Tour must suffer through her drone-like performances.

Next, Scotty MacIntyre. Dude, I love your story. I love your skill at the piano. But man, I just don't feel your vocals were Top 10 worthy. I know, coming from a guy who wouldn't sound good in front of an audience of deaf people this may be hard to take, but while you are a solid singer - you weren't great, which is what the Top 10 is supposed to be about.

Now for Paula Abdul. Can you sound anymore spaced out? If I hear you exclaim how a flower that is blossoming or how the stars are smiling or how the African hyenas are humping to someone's vocal talents - I will go freaking nuts. It's no wonder Simon makes fun of you - he's just one of 1.5 million people at home doing the same thing. Oh, and quit having a damn orgasm every time Adam sings.

Ok, now to look ahead at who is left.

Adam Lambert is the overall favorite of everyone it seems - aside from me. While I will admit he is one hell of a performer - his voice has now become similar to nails on a chalkboard for me. And judging from the howls from the dogs in our neighborhood when you perform, they agree.

For as often as contestants are criticized for not making a song their own, Danny Gokey continues to get praise even though he sounds like Joe Cocker in a karaoke bar. He may add a riff here and there, but nothing otherwise makes him any different than someone singing with a song machine.

The days of Lil Rounds are numbered as she continues to get barraged each week from the judges. While they preach originality, they keep telling Lil to sing like Macy Gray or other similar artists - probably leaving her a totally confused mess by now. Lil, be yourself - sing how YOU want and if the fans vote you off, so be it.

If you take a shot every time someone says how great Allison Iraheta is for a 16-year old then you usually are stumbling around in a drunken haze for the rest of the evening. Yeah, she sounds good for a 16-year old, but does she sound good compared to everyone else? No. Match her up against a 17-year old Jordin Sparks and you wouldn't look so damn impressive.

I am going to give Anoop Desai some props because as long as he isn't singing Michael Jackson or Usher, he sounds really, really good. While I don't think he has a chance to win the competition (which is a shame), I do see him possibly cracking the Top 5 to the shock of everyone.

Matt Girard is getting plenty of Justin Timberlake similarities and that is really unfortunate - because for as many people that like Justin, there are just as many who hate him. Matt should keep doing what he is doing, playing ballads (which will be hard considering this week's Disco theme) and singing his ass off - only sing them better. Simple right?

Kris Allen is the real deal and my vote to win this. I love how the man creates and molds songs to fit his style and when he sings, all of the rainbows of the world shine on him...er, sorry was channeling Paula there. But seriously, I think it will come down to him and Adam - exact opposites in my opinion - in the finals and I can see an upset in the works.

Ok, my rant is now over. It is a crying shame it took this unremarkable season of American idol to get me to write again, but alas it did.

Flipping The Bird

Over the last two days, I have given my wife the finger more times than I have everyone else in this world COMBINED.

Why you ask? Is there some kind of newfound hatred that has developed between us? Did she find my hidden stack of 1980's wrestling magazines? Is the realization that I will never - EVER be better than her at anything with the name Guitar Hero on it?

No. It is to give all our readers something to make fun of us about for years to come.

You see the things we do for you? Please feel free to pick your favorite and/or the winner of our little finger flicking squabble.