Idol Forgiveness

Boy I picked one hell of a season not to do my weekly American Idol rants. Not only would it have updated this blog more than once every other week, but also give me a written forum to express my complete disdain for some of the performers on the show. This season has left me continuously irritated and perplexed to the point that I want to scream whenever my wife goes ga-ga when uber-screamer Adam Lambert lets loose with one of his high pitched wails.

Of course for those of you who do not watch American Idol, you probably continuously irritated and perplexed that the show even exists.

My first issue was Megan Joy, who obviously had some incriminating photos of the judges in extremely compromising positions to have made as far as she did. Her monotone voice and her ridiculous shoulder-shimmy dance earned her a one-way ticket off the show in week one. Now everyone who attends the American Idol Tour must suffer through her drone-like performances.

Next, Scotty MacIntyre. Dude, I love your story. I love your skill at the piano. But man, I just don't feel your vocals were Top 10 worthy. I know, coming from a guy who wouldn't sound good in front of an audience of deaf people this may be hard to take, but while you are a solid singer - you weren't great, which is what the Top 10 is supposed to be about.

Now for Paula Abdul. Can you sound anymore spaced out? If I hear you exclaim how a flower that is blossoming or how the stars are smiling or how the African hyenas are humping to someone's vocal talents - I will go freaking nuts. It's no wonder Simon makes fun of you - he's just one of 1.5 million people at home doing the same thing. Oh, and quit having a damn orgasm every time Adam sings.

Ok, now to look ahead at who is left.

Adam Lambert is the overall favorite of everyone it seems - aside from me. While I will admit he is one hell of a performer - his voice has now become similar to nails on a chalkboard for me. And judging from the howls from the dogs in our neighborhood when you perform, they agree.

For as often as contestants are criticized for not making a song their own, Danny Gokey continues to get praise even though he sounds like Joe Cocker in a karaoke bar. He may add a riff here and there, but nothing otherwise makes him any different than someone singing with a song machine.

The days of Lil Rounds are numbered as she continues to get barraged each week from the judges. While they preach originality, they keep telling Lil to sing like Macy Gray or other similar artists - probably leaving her a totally confused mess by now. Lil, be yourself - sing how YOU want and if the fans vote you off, so be it.

If you take a shot every time someone says how great Allison Iraheta is for a 16-year old then you usually are stumbling around in a drunken haze for the rest of the evening. Yeah, she sounds good for a 16-year old, but does she sound good compared to everyone else? No. Match her up against a 17-year old Jordin Sparks and you wouldn't look so damn impressive.

I am going to give Anoop Desai some props because as long as he isn't singing Michael Jackson or Usher, he sounds really, really good. While I don't think he has a chance to win the competition (which is a shame), I do see him possibly cracking the Top 5 to the shock of everyone.

Matt Girard is getting plenty of Justin Timberlake similarities and that is really unfortunate - because for as many people that like Justin, there are just as many who hate him. Matt should keep doing what he is doing, playing ballads (which will be hard considering this week's Disco theme) and singing his ass off - only sing them better. Simple right?

Kris Allen is the real deal and my vote to win this. I love how the man creates and molds songs to fit his style and when he sings, all of the rainbows of the world shine on him...er, sorry was channeling Paula there. But seriously, I think it will come down to him and Adam - exact opposites in my opinion - in the finals and I can see an upset in the works.

Ok, my rant is now over. It is a crying shame it took this unremarkable season of American idol to get me to write again, but alas it did.