UnBasic Thanksgiving

This morning I awoke to unfamiliar smells emanating from the kitchen. As I managed to wipe away the morning sleep from my eyes, I looked around the morning lit bedroom. The wonderful wife was missing, so there is the possible answer to the foreign odors penetrating my nostrils. I looked on the bed beside me to see the little one smiling back at me. I was greeted with a "Good Morning, Daddy" as she gave me big hug.

Yep, can't have a much better wake-up than that.

I staggered downstairs, letting my nose lead me to the source of the newly discovered scents. At first, I was disappointed at the fact that there wasn't bacon frying on the skillet or biscuits in the oven, but then I saw the bird. That huge, magnificent uncooked bird. Suddenly, breakfast was put on the backburner and all of the world revolved around that enormous gobbler.

"Big isn't it?" a voice said, breaking my turkey trance.

I turned to the breakfast nook to see the wonderful wife with tears in her eyes. At first I was concerned, then I realized she was crying because she was chopping up onions. I nodded in response, then turned to see what was boiling on the stove. There sat a 5-gallon stock pot with what looks like various chopped vegetables soaking in a nice bath.

"Your mom making vegetable soup for tomorrow?" I asked hopefully. The magnificent mother-in-law makes a mighty fine homemade veggie soup.

"No that's the brine for the turkey."

I froze at the alien word. Brine? This definitely does NOT sound basic. Then it hit me...for My TURKEY?!?

Brine? What exactly is this brine?

She astutely points out that brine is a concoction of ingredients used to add flavor in the turkey, then asks me to pass the leeks.

Leeks?!? What the hell are leeks?!? What is all of this other stuff that is supposedly bringing out the flavor in MY turkey? Did we do this to our turkey last year? Or how about the year before? No, we didn't. And guess what? It still tasted like turkey. Wonderful, glorious turkey.

"It takes an ordinary bird and turns it into a work of art." she says proudly.

My mind is racing. You can eat a bird - you can't eat of freaking work of art. I keep my mouth shut for fear I will be spending the rest of 2007 sleeping on the couch. I begin to plan escape routes for me and my turkey to keep it from becoming someones Mona Lisa. Unfortunately, that bird was under constant surveillance by little Miss DiVinci.

Finally after much torture of watching this fiendish mixture being made before my eyes, with no chance of saving my beloved bird, it was time for the fowl to take its bath. Slowly, my Thanksgiving treasure was lowered into this pot of doom with things I've things I've never even heard of floating on the surface. Down, down, down it went, then suddenly it stopped with a good 1/8 of it still above the surface.

The pot is too small! My turkey is saved!

Undeterred, the wonderful wife pondered my gobblers fate. Then, after a brief huddle with her mother, sent her away on a secret mission. I knew my chances of saving the bird was fleeting, but she stepped up her security and refused to budge.

Minutes passed, and I was helpless to perform a rescue. I even tried making a deal with Jasper, hoping he would pee in the corner to cause some kind of distraction - but alas, that evil cat would not cooperate, only smiling as he passed gas in my face.

The magnificent mother-in-law returned...with a container big enough for my turkey. At first, I thought it was a mistake or a joke as this would be the final injustice for my beloved bird, but I realized their truly diabolical plan. I could only turn away as my turkey was lowered into its resting place and placed into the fridge.


Tomorrow will be full of conflicting emotions as the turkey leaves its brine bath and is prepped and cooked. The rest of the meal will be full of the basic foods that make Thanksgiving dinner my favorite dinner of the year. Corn, green beans, potatoes, and noodles will be there, all in support of the main event of the evening - the turkey. A turkey that I love, but a turkey that is now tainted with a mysterious juice and its supposed flavor adding abilities.

A turkey that has made my basic Thanksgiving - very unbasic.