Dress Code Violation

On a normal work night the wonderful wife and I have system that we have perfected over the last few years. At 9:30pm, she awakens me for dinner and when I arrive back in the bedroom after my bath, my work clothes for the day are laid out for me on the bed.

That's right, you heard me. My wife chooses my work wardrobe.

That is on a normal work night. Tonight, however was not a normal night. Due to being up until 3:30am the night prior getting games and activities ready for when the playgroup invaded our home that morning, the wonderful wife was struggling enough just to get through her own blog post so I decided to take my shot and dress myself.

If there were alarms for bad ideas, you could have heard this one in Greenland.

Now don't get me wrong, I can dress myself perfectly well on off days. Just give me a pair of comfortable jeans and loose shirt and I am good to go. Jeans, shirt and sneakers - basic.

Dress clothes are SO not basic.

I pulled out a pair of dress socks and fruit-of-the-looms out of the dresser. Ha, stage one completed. Next came the pants, which I decided on a pair of brown Dockers that are fairly tolerable and finally it was time for the million dollar question: What goes with brown pants? I look through my closet at the various dress shirts to choose from. Green? Yellow?

Then I saw it. My favorite brown dress shirt. What goes better with brown than brown, right?

Right?

I'm feeling confident as I make my way downstairs to present my accomplishment to the wonderful fashion police. I was met with a look that can be best described as a mix of shock, bewilderment, and humor. Then I was met with the ultimate trick question...

"You're not wearing THAT are you?"

What I wanted to say:
"Why no honey, I just wanted to wear this shirt for the 5 minutes in took me to walk downstairs. I fully intended to change right before I left."

What I actually said:
"Um, no?"

"You do realize that shirt doesn't match those pants don't you?"

What I wanted to say:
"Who says these do not match? They are both brown. Just because they are different shades of brown does not mean they don't belong together."

What I actually said:
"Um, no?"

So I stood there, my triumph dashed, my achievement squished like a tiny bug while she went and got me another shirt. It was a black, charcoaled colored shirt because everyone knows (except apparently me) that black goes with brown. I thought back to when I was single and dressing myself for work - was I awful? Were people snickering and laughing behind my back? Since we have been together she has completely upgraded my wardrobe, but do I have a simple grasp of style to handle the change? Have I become so self-dependent on the wonderful wife that I cannot even dress myself for work?

I think she sensed by deflating ego as she watched me change. Then she walked up, straightened my collar and kissed me.

It really was a very good try honey.

What I wanted to say:
Try?!? I thought I had it nailed! I thought I was suave, debonair, and charming! But all I did was end up looking like a walking chocolate bar.

What I actually said:
(Grumble...mumble...grumble) I looked like a stupid chocolate bar.

Then she said something to take my embarrassment away - something that soothed my shattered ego - something that made everything better.

What she wanted to say:
You poor adorable loser. It's such a good thing you have me around to keep you from wearing that ugly brown catastrophe. I have done the world a favor.

What she actually said:
Yeah, you did. But you are MY chocolate bar.