God: The Comedian

If I have learned nothing else in life, I have learned this one thing: I am living proof that God has a sense of humor. And a morbid one at that.

Want examples?

Age 8: At my grandparents farm in West Virginia, there was a huge fenced off area where the cows, chickens and other livestock were raised. The gate to enter this area was a fair bit away from the house, so as a shortcut, my cousin and I would often climb the fence to play in the fields on the other side. Now at the top of this fence was a wire that at one point had electricity running through it - a crude version of the modern day electric fences that hold cattle today. Now this wire had not worked in years, so there was no fear of electrocution. That was until God decided to have some fun...

Oh my little Grimmy, growing up so fast. Look at you, climbing that fence when all you had to do was walk another 200 yards to the gate. You lazy boy. I wonder what would happen if I turned that fence on? As if I didn't know - I am God. Maybe just a little zap...just for fun.

Age 12: Being that I was a pretty big kid in my youth I seemed to excel in most sports. Football, basketball and my favorite at that time, baseball. It was during this time that my baseball skills really came together and everything seemed so easy to me. Maybe in the immaturity of my youth I didn't appreciate the talents that I had. If this was the case, it would soon be remedied.

Whoa, you crushed that ball. Looks like it's gonna take them awhile to chase this one down. So in the interest of fair play, why don't we raise third base just a little off the ground right about...now. Ewww, good thing you're a tough kid - that tumble looked pretty painful. Heh, I giveth and I taketh away - that includes homers too.

Age 14: In my parents house, the bathroom is fairly close to my bedroom so many times after my shower I would wrap myself in a towel, go to my bedroom and get dressed. Nothing too shocking there, as it is something that alot of people do. Apparently my bathing ritual bored the big man upstairs as he decided to spice things up.

Hey Moses, c'mere and check this out. Yeah, bring Abraham too, he'd get a kick outta this. See Grimm there in the shower? Get this...I took all of his towels. (**snickers**) So he's gonna make a break for his room in the buff. (**chuckles**) And you know how his grandmother is over to visit for the weekend? (**giggles**) Yeah, she's staying in his room! And he has no idea! Oh this is gonna be good! (**thunderous laughter**)

Age 17: I never dated in high school. Looking back, I think my mother was in cahoots with the big guy as she always tried to innocently embarrass me in front of any females that might have come around. If, by some fluke, I managed to pass her defenses and thought it would be easy sailing to impress the ladies, Mr. You-know-who would save the day for my mom. Like when I approached this girl to go to homecoming...

Maybe I should give Grimm a break. What do you guys think? Peter? Paul? Mary? I mean, the girl really likes him and they would be happy together. Yeah, you are right, I did make a deal with the mom and Grimm does need to learn some important lessons for later in life. You want to help me out on this one, guys? Let's see now...a little tickle here, a little itch there and BINGO! we have sneeze-off all over Cassandra! Wow, those boogers on her glasses were a nice touch, Paul - you are good at this.

Age 34: Through much trail and error, I have come to realize that I am not a happening guy. There are times however, when I am feeling good, dressed in my work clothes and feeling all is right with the world, that I overstep my bounds. Such was the case yesterday. Stopping by the pharmacy at the local big chain supermarket to drop off a prescription, I am noticing attention from people. Women are looking at me and smiling, fingers are being pointed in my direction and whispering is being seen. So here I am thinking, "Hey, maybe I'm not so bad looking after all. A little bald, a little overweight, but still Leslie has herself a pretty good-lookin' guy." You would think that this simple innocent thought would be ok. You would think that I would be allowed one little solitary ego boost. You would think. But no.

Oh now that one was just too easy. I told you Lazarus, the classics never fail. Wait until he gets into the parking lot and feels the breeze on his leg. I'm telling you, it takes skill to get his zipper down that far and open like that. How's that for an open tomb? Ha! You like how I made every person in the store notice him? Yeah, that was me. I haven't picked on him in awhile, I had to make it a good one.

So the next time a bird poops on your head, the dog eats your winning lottery ticket or your son enters the BMW in the local demolition derby, laugh a little. Odds are you are being messed with too.