A Pain In The Ass

This post may be painful to read. You have been warned.

So before I went off on my tangent on my dreadful fear of pregnancy, I was talking about the fun times had during our annual bowling tournament. One of the bad things about bowling in the lanes that we do is that the building itself it outdated and lacks decent air flow - meaning it gets pretty damn hot by the third hour.

Before continuing, you must know the following two facts about me:

1. I sweat profusely. I have often said that I could break out in a sweat sitting butt-naked on an igloo in Antartica. It has taken much control and some damn strong deoderant to curb this problem.
2. Because of this problem, I bathe/shower frequently. This has to do as much with saving the ozone from my rancid odor as it does saving my marriage.

Now to backtrack a little. I work 12-hour shifts, from midnight to noon. Before the bowling tournament I had worked two of these shifts with only 90 minutes sleep in between. I got off work at noon, met Leslie, Julia and the family at 1pm to eat a quick lunch and then we all headed to the alley at 2pm.

So by 5pm at was dead tired. I got home and went straight to bed and slept.

...and slept.
...and slept.
...and slept.

I had planned on getting up and watching some of the taped American Idols with Leslie that we had missed. I had planned on getting a bite to eat since a hadn't had anything of substance since lunch. I had planned on writing a blog entry about the fun filled day I had.

I had planned on taking a shower.

Needless to say, I woke up 14 hours later - stinky, icky, but rested...

...and with the worst case of sweat rash on my butt.

You know what I am talking about. Sometimes when you get dressed from taking a shower without properly drying off this happens. Or maybe just to me. The closest thing comparable would be diaper rash I guess - but I do not wear diapers (unless the wife and I are roleplaying in bed, another post for another time) but it's the best example I could come up with. I quickly took a soak in the tub hoping this would cure the problem to no avail - this puppy was gonna be with me for the day.

So I spend the entire day walking bowlegged trying to keep my buttcheeks from rubbing against each other or my underwear and looking like a

As far as going to the bathroom? Let that picture up there give you an idea of how that felt.

That night I took another soak in the tub and awoke the next morning with no semblance of the issues that befell me the day before.

Now don't you wish you would have listened to that warning at the beginning? There was ten minutes of your life you will never ever get back. But I do appreciate you reading nonetheless.